Power union and not a power struggle

Nicolene Du Plessis
May 27
4 min read

"Marriage was never meant to be a power struggle but a power union."

Marriage merges two people with very different vantage points and strengths, and then uses those differences to create the opportunity for multiplication.— John & Lisa Bevere, "The Story of Marriage"

This line perfectly sums up what we’ve discovered over the years in our own marriage. Dewald and I are not the same — far from it. And for a long time, we saw our differences as barriers to overcome, rather than bridges to strength.

But the truth is, God created us differently on purpose — and with a purpose.

A Picture of Oneness

Every Monday, Dewald and I try to go on a date (and I say "try" because, life). On a recent outing to the waterfront, I noticed something beautiful: a plant that had two branches tied together at the stem. Although they were bound at one point, they each had room to grow in their own direction. The binding didn’t limit them — it gave them a safe place of unity, allowing healthy growth.

I thought, what a picture of marriage.

Oneness is not about sameness; it’s about being bound in heart while growing in grace.

NeedToBreathe sings, “I’ll be the banks for your river,” and I just love that. The banks don’t control the river; they give it direction and safety. And isn’t that what marriage should be? Not controlling one another, but giving structure and safety for growth.

God’s Original Design

“God blessed THEM and said to THEM, ‘Be fruitful and multiply; fill the earth and subdue it...’”— Genesis 1:28 (AMP)

From the very beginning, God gave both man and woman the mandate to rule and reign — together. Marriage was designed as a co-labour, not a competition.

Adam and Eve were not in unity at the fall! That is the place where things fell apart.

After the fall (Genesis 3), the dominion we were given turned into domination and manipulation — and the war of the sexes began. But God’s heart has always been for oneness: two individuals, unique and different, ruling with one heart and purpose.

“It is not good for man to be alone. I will make a helper [a counterpart] who is suitable and complementary for him.”— Genesis 2:18 (AMP)

God designed us to complement, not compete.

Our Personal Journey: From Clashing to Complementing

It took us years to truly appreciate our differences. For a long time, we tried to change each other instead of learning to celebrate how we were wired.

We are opposites in many ways:

I’m introverted and recharge in quiet — Dewald comes alive around people.
He’s playful — I can be serious and deep.
He loves movies — I’d rather read.
He loves surfing — I love hiking.
He thrives on activity — I could sit and watch a sunset in silence for hours.

Even our approach to life and calling is different:

Dewald is a visionary and big-picture thinker.
I’m often given the how — the strategy, structure, and steps.
He perseveres no matter what — I sometimes need a push (which he gives so well).
I see the small details — he sees the mountain.
I help him slow down — he helps me speed up.

Marriage works when we stop trying to change each other and start choosing to champion each other.

We’ve come to realize that where one is weak, the other is strong. And in those spaces of humility, vulnerability, and shared vision, we’ve experienced what God meant by “two becoming one.”

Why Unity Matters

“Where there is unity, God commands a blessing.”— Psalm 133:1–3

Unity doesn’t mean agreeing on everything. It means choosing love, respect, and partnership even when we see differently. The enemy of our souls will always try to divide us — because divided marriages don’t multiply. Divided hearts don’t carry authority. But unity attracts heaven.

When we are one in heart and purpose, God brings fruitfulness.

The Lord spoke to us for years: "Consummate your marriage." At first, it confused us — we had children, we were married. But we began to see what He meant. Consummation isn’t just physical — it’s spiritual. It’s emotional. It’s choosing to become one in spirit, in vision, in heart.

Oneness requires humility, not uniformity.

Practical Keys to Strengthen Oneness

Here are some lessons and habits that helped us:

Pray together. Tell each other what you're trusting God for — agreement has power (Matthew 18:19).
Pick your battles. Not every disagreement needs a war.
Confront with love. Don’t let silent tension become resentment — but don’t stay divided.
Celebrate your spouse’s design. Let them grow — don't confine them.
Play to each other’s strengths. Hand over areas they’re better in, and carry what you’re grace for.
Ask God for His heart. I often pray, “Lord, how can I help Dewald through this? What’s Your heart for him — and what should mine be?”
Have regular dates. Talk heart-to-heart. Laugh. Dream. Connect.
Be transparent. Don’t live in separate lanes — share decisions, burdens, and victories.

A Final Thought

“A cord of three strands is not easily broken.”— Ecclesiastes 4:12

When God is the centre strand, our differences become strength, not separation. We don’t just survive — we multiply. Not because we are the same, but because we’ve chosen to be one.

When two become one under God, differences don’t divide — they multiply grace, purpose, and strength.

"It is not your love that sustains the marriage, but from now on, the marriage that sustains your love."— Dietrich Bonhoeffer